Injection Day

So tomorrow is the big day. The day I have been waiting for, dreading, anticipating, needing for the past 5 months. Tomorrow is injection day.

I have watched videos on youtube of people doing Avonex injections. I have read about it. I even watched the informational (propaganda) piece created by the Big Pharma company that created Avonex. So I feel like I am in the know. I am prepared for the injection. I am confident that I can do it and that the injection will not be that bad. After all, I have been self injecting Vitamin B-12 for months now.

I also feel like I am about to step off a cliff. Tomorrow feels like a milepost. A bench mark. The beginning of the end? I don't know.

Here is what I do know. I will do this injection every week. For. The. Rest. Of. My. Life.

...........

That is the part that messes with my head. The rest of my life. I am committing to inject myself with a synthetic drug that will make me feel like crap and HOPEFULLY get my body to stop munching on my brain. And I will do this FOREVER.

Of course a cure could be found before then. I would LOVE that! I am not holding my breath that a cure is going to come about in my lifetime though. MS is a weird disease and it doesn't manifest itself in people the same way. That makes it not only hard to treat, but even harder to fix. Especially when they don't even know what causes it at this point.

Anyway, I am nervous about tomorrow. Not because it is going to hurt (it probably will a little) and not because I am likely going to be feeling like I have the flu by tomorrow night (although my mother is praying that I be be an anomaly to the statistical average) and not because it could cause me some kind of serious harm to take it (it could, but its REALLY super unlikely).

I am nervous because I am about to start treating this disease that I can't see, that won't behave and act predictably, and once I start, there is no going back.